The last week has actually been quite enlightening for me. I have learned, for example, that Aerosmith's 'Pink' isn't actually about love for the colour. It never had actually dawned upon me that there needs to have been something suspicious about a bunch of men singing about the colour pink - I love pink, why shouldn't everyone else share the passion?
And after writing the line I just did, I realise how I just managed a double entendre a la the song iself! Check this out to see what I mean :)
On the theme of self adulation, it would be extremely remiss of me not to mention that last week, I actually uncovered my (very) dusty 'art-n-craft' genes!
It was mummy's birthday on Thursday and since I just couldn't think of a way to make it special, I thought I'd make a card. And that's SOMETHING when you're talking about me :)
All my art grades at school were a reflection of which relative happened to be in town at that particular point in time. I love having relatives over. You get tons of presents, lots of outings, you can play cards till 2 in the morning and no one says a thing. And, best of all, they're too sweet to say no to doing my school craft assignments!!! Hmmm...I suppose my teachers were a little puzzled at how wildly my grades swung too. ;)
So anyway - I decided to make a card. I Very Cleverly set my sights low. It was to be a card that resembled something a 3rd grader would make.
In the world of high art, that would fetch big bucks under some psychological theory of the artist capturing the spirit of his 'inner child' or some such crap. Being the true artist that I am, this sort of reaching-to-the-depths-of-my-soul thing comes naturally.
Then came the moment of visualisation - I decided on a scenery (bravo - how original). I had lots of coloured chart paper lying around so I made use of that and set about cutting the main card, the grass and flowers and things. And then people at work (Krish and Rahul) oh-so-sweetly helped me with the smiley sun and the butterflies! It was brilliant! We stuck all of it on, and then decorated it with glitter and then I wrote a pome inside on how 'Mummy was very Funny'. Literary genius - I assure you.
And you know what - she loved it!!!!
I was so thrilled! My bro added in some stuff and everyone at home signed it and it was all just perfect! But you know what the best part was? Mummy wrote me an email the next day, and here's one of the things she said:
ps - tell me the truth - who made the card, esp the greens and the flowers?
I have no words to express my utter satisfaction with this. She couldn't have put it better if she'd tried.......
Today I intend to make public my approval of myself. I have done today what I heretofore thought of only in the realms of distant probability - I filled in my own SARAL!
Though after having done this, I must admit that this really wasn't rocket science. For a change, I think the government really has named this well - it turned out to be a piece of cake. Of course, I still have to go stand in line and get the babu to accept it...
And that, as they say, is a whole different ball game.
I don't even know whether this qualifies itself for a post, but seeing as how it's my blog, what the hell.
I found out today that The Firm has a division no-one knows about. It's missed all the headlines, everyone's business reports and escaped my attention as well. Of all the things I didn't realise were essential for a Wall Street firm to thrive and survive...
A Garment Division.
They have a whole department of people devoted to making sure I get an official t-shirt to wear. The fact that their size classifications would puzzle even the giants in Gulliver's travels is a separate issue. But coming back to the point - it's an Entire Department!!!
The more I think about it though, the more sense it makes. Apart from client communication, the t-shirt is probably the only physical object to carry The Firm's hallowed name. Even our buildings don't have it. So all of a sudden, you see the importance of ensuring that our t-shirts are done well! In a sense, it probably gets our entire advertising budget :) You sabotage the garment division , you sabotage the name. And what are we without our name, eh? It's a reputational business all the way! No wonder it has to remain top secret. :O
But you know what the best part of it all is? They're so important and secret that they never even make calls in their own name. And who, as you may well ask, does this for them? Our Prod Services Department! rofl! It's so hilarious I could cry!!
Our garment department has 24x7 monitoring... will wonders never cease :)
<edit> Gautam pointed out to me that half my posts are unintelligible to people who don't work with me, so some clarifications are in order! Since I am never to do something tomorrow that can be done today (my grandmom said and I dutifully rolled my eyes..) - here goes. The Prod Service Department at work is the one that keeps a very watchful eye on our processes, effectively allowing The Firm to go about making it's millions. They monitor everything 24x7 all over the world and are a Big Deal :) So you can imagine my obvious mirth at finding out that the Garment Division uses them too! <\edit>
CONSPIRACY has come a-knocking at The Firm's doors. There's a dastardly plot underfoot to deprive me of my daily cuppa(s) of 'Jay Ginger Tea'. But I shall not give in. I shall fight the evil-doers with every fibre of my being. This is just the beginning...
I present to you the evidence. Wednesday the 6th of July was the last time I saw tea bags of Jay Ginger tea on top of machine 1 of the 2nd floor pantry. (Henceforth referred to as Exhibits 1, 2 and 3 respectively. I am nothing is not thorough.)
After that day, the conspicuous absence of Exhibit 1 on Exhibit 2 in Exhibit 3 has spawned dark rumours of wrongdoing and a general sense of discontent among the populace of the 2nd floor (Exhibit 4 - I have used my Creative Licence and decided that I can use Exhibit as a collective noun when required.)
Being the intrepid investigator that I am, I decided to do a little sleuthing on my own. And what did I find?! A Plot! I should have realised earlier. It was suspicious from the start. I have spent hours looking for Exhibit 1 on supermarket shelves in vain. With so many other brands of Ginger Tea readily available, why was Exhibit 1, which was never easily available, chosen to meet the needs of Exhibit 4? Because these evil-doers wanted control - Full Control. If Exhibit 4 could never buy the tea from the outside world, you had them firmly in your grip, and they were yours for the bidding. Sort of like when you could only buy telephones from the government.
Global Domination of the second floor is what these people are playing at. And why, as you may ask, do I specify this is a plot against the 2nd floor? Because, and prepare to be shocked, the tea is available on every other darned floor of this building!! Did they think we'd never find out? That we were like those ants in Bug's Life that couldn't stray from their path?
I prepare myself now to take on this challenge. I have modelled my fight on the lines of various uprisings against the British. (I have nothing personal against them , it's just that all the scraps of history I seem to recollect involve them in some way.) I shall engage in a little guerrilla warfare like Shivaji the Maratha king did when he defeated the British in Maharashtra. And what exactly shall I do? I shall imitate the Americans in their revolt against the British during the Boston Tea Party. I shall get rid of all the other tea so they have to give us Ginger T or all hell will break loose! Brilliant, you say? I know! But I have decided that I shall also be magnanimous. I shan't throw the tea into the ocean . The fact that the nearest ocean is Very Far is a slight hindrance. Plus lots of Exhibit 4 like other teas and I want to keep my support base intact. :) Very populist - the Congress should learn a lesson or two from me.
And so - my solution is - <........drumroll.....> Re-deployment!!! I shall take all the tea from my floor and redeploy it to the others, and pick up copious amounts of my tea from the other floors and get it here! It's brilliant! Foolproof! I shall thwart them like Calvin stomps his imaginary bugs! They'll have to give in following the stampede!
I float. Just the thought of eating a plate of paani-puri makes me salivate like one of Pavlov's dogs. I just have to pass a roadside vendor cracking those puris and I'm under the influence. There's a sort of magic in the humble dish that you would be wise not to ignore.... you can almost hear the angels singing paeans of glory when, after waiting behind all the like minded hypnotized souls in line ahead of you, you finally get to put a yummy chutney-channa-aloo-filled puri in your mouth and taste a tiny slice of heaven. Suddenly you get a glimpse into why maybe the Beatles and a lot of the 60s celebrated psychotropic drugs and came up with some of the most path-breaking, inventive music - I definitely feel similarly inspired! Unfortunately, unlike the Beatles, I don't seem to be able to come up with anything close, my creative contribution to the world centres pretty much around a repetitive 'mmmmmmmmmmm' of content/delight/absolute fulfilment. What I find particularly amazing about this dish though, is that unlike drugs, it's not escapist! In fact, quite the contrary. It's the most real you'd have felt in ages. Standing there, on the road, with assorted people, animals and cars surrounding you, you feel a sort of kinship with everyone and everything in the world. Stuffing your face to keep up with the paani-puri waala while your eyes water, you suddenly realise what really matters in life. The Puri cuts across race, religion, age, sex, educational background : you name it. National integration, I say! That's what this country needs more of! Not to forget that I'm a firm advocate of it being recommended as an essential dietary supplement for all children. You'd definitely have to build up an immune system a la Attila the Hun to withstand becoming a culture medium for about a 100 strains of bacteria that the Paani probably contains!
And so - at the end of it all, here's my suggestion - make Paani-Puri our National Dish. For a happier, healthier, brighter tomorrow! *sigh* :)
It can be very dangerous and frustrating to follow an auto-rikshaw. That's because auto-rikshaws follow Heisenberg's uncertainty principle; so at any given time you can't predict both their speed AND position with any level of certainty...