Monday, July 10, 2006

What's eating Ginger T?

CONSPIRACY has come a-knocking at The Firm's doors. There's a dastardly plot underfoot to deprive me of my daily cuppa(s) of 'Jay Ginger Tea'. But I shall not give in. I shall fight the evil-doers with every fibre of my being. This is just the beginning...

I present to you the evidence. Wednesday the 6th of July was the last time I saw tea bags of Jay Ginger tea on top of machine 1 of the 2nd floor pantry. (Henceforth referred to as Exhibits 1, 2 and 3 respectively. I am nothing is not thorough.)

After that day, the conspicuous absence of Exhibit 1 on Exhibit 2 in Exhibit 3 has spawned dark rumours of wrongdoing and a general sense of discontent among the populace of the 2nd floor (Exhibit 4 - I have used my Creative Licence and decided that I can use Exhibit as a collective noun when required.)

Being the intrepid investigator that I am, I decided to do a little sleuthing on my own. And what did I find?! A Plot! I should have realised earlier. It was suspicious from the start. I have spent hours looking for Exhibit 1 on supermarket shelves in vain. With so many other brands of Ginger Tea readily available, why was Exhibit 1, which was never easily available, chosen to meet the needs of Exhibit 4? Because these evil-doers wanted control - Full Control. If Exhibit 4 could never buy the tea from the outside world, you had them firmly in your grip, and they were yours for the bidding. Sort of like when you could only buy telephones from the government.

Global Domination of the second floor is what these people are playing at. And why, as you may ask, do I specify this is a plot against the 2nd floor? Because, and prepare to be shocked, the tea is available on every other darned floor of this building!! Did they think we'd never find out? That we were like those ants in Bug's Life that couldn't stray from their path?

I prepare myself now to take on this challenge. I have modelled my fight on the lines of various uprisings against the British. (I have nothing personal against them , it's just that all the scraps of history I seem to recollect involve them in some way.) I shall engage in a little guerrilla warfare like Shivaji the Maratha king did when he defeated the British in Maharashtra. And what exactly shall I do? I shall imitate the Americans in their revolt against the British during the Boston Tea Party. I shall get rid of all the other tea so they have to give us Ginger T or all hell will break loose! Brilliant, you say? I know! But I have decided that I shall also be magnanimous. I shan't throw the tea into the ocean . The fact that the nearest ocean is Very Far is a slight hindrance. Plus lots of Exhibit 4 like other teas and I want to keep my support base intact. :) Very populist - the Congress should learn a lesson or two from me.

And so - my solution is - <........drumroll.....> Re-deployment!!! I shall take all the tea from my floor and redeploy it to the others, and pick up copious amounts of my tea from the other floors and get it here! It's brilliant! Foolproof! I shall thwart them like Calvin stomps his imaginary bugs! They'll have to give in following the stampede!

I Rule!


Albatross said...

Brilliant !

Have you noticed that Exhibit 2 on Exhibit 3 always runs out of milk these days?
And what's my solution? I take everyone with me and attack 1st floor :)

chimera said...

The plot thickens.
We shall overcome, comrade. We shall overcome.

SiD said...

just then everyone breaks into a song "hum honge kamiyab" (we shall overcome).

in the meantime i did a little research and found this
i present to you exhibit 1